Are you using your relationships to avoid dealing with your own issues?

Meeting and falling in love with someone close to you is one of mankind's greatest joys. The connections we make with a love interest teach us so much about ourselves, inside and out. There is the chance for self discovery that we are rarely afforded. The gift of uninhibited expression doesn't come along very often, yet just how much are we really looking at ourselves when given the chance? Sometimes, we use getting close to someone as an excuse to patch up holes in our own lives. How often have you involved yourself in a relationship to gain the love and attention that may have been neglected when you grew up? This is a very common human condition that we all have experienced.......that we want a partner to complete us and show us love that we have a hard time expressing towards ourselves. How much stronger could your relationship be if you had already went into it loving yourself as much as you seek the love and approval of another?

Love needs to be a two way street of approval and respect. But not just the two way street we always hear of...... you give to them and they give back to us. The two ways I'm talking about is your ability to give to your partner, and the ability to give to yourself. Can you love yourself as much as you are expecting your partner to love you? When we discover just how delicate and precious each one of us are, think how easy it becomes to share yourself completely with your lover. Too many of us, though, use relationships as a crutch. We yearn for the attention that we may not have had growing up, but using our relationships to fill a void puts an undue strain on the union. Relationships are very delicately balanced and end way too easy when the pressure of "void filling" comes to the forefront. Your partner is not a Band Aid, psychiatrist, or drug, meant to make us feel better about ourselves......that is our responsibility. If we are in need of issue cleansing our lover is not the one who should be doing it. How much can you really give to someone else when you can't seem to give everything to yourself first?

Needy is not attractive. Neither is wondering if you are going to get everything you need out of your relationships. There should not be anything you really "need" to get from someone else, especially if that someone is willing to share themselves with you. Offering to share themselves with you is a gift. Are you the kind of person that when offered a piece of cake, eats the slice, then eats the whole rest of the cake when the host is not looking, just because you are still hungry? The hunger for love and attention not given to us by our friends, parents, and ex lovers is very hard to satiate. It's not fair to ask that of a new partner. It looks needy and dependant. Somehow.....someway, it is very important that we show ourselves the love, attention and respect that we need before entering a relationship. If we can't fill our own bellies and fix our own holes in our souls then no one can do that for us.

If you take the time to really think about it, there are so many people who love us. Think about all the friends, lovers and family members that have come and gone in our lives that showed us love. And better yet.......think of how great you really are. Feel the freedom to look closely at yourself and love every part of you. You can't love anyone else until you love yourself first. Practicing loving yourself is the best way to learn to love another and the relationship will be made up of two people with self respect. Understanding why you make relationship choices will free your soul to make better choices in the future. Relationships are not something you take from, for any reason. You have to get beyond the regrets and seemingly empty promises of the past, stop putting expectations on your future, and live and love for the moment. When you enter into a love relationship, give your new partner the freedom to express their love for you without taking it from them. We want our partners to be whole and happy people, so the place to start the loving begins with yourself. This moment is not your past. This moment is not the expectant future. This moment is right now. And right now is the most beautiful and perfect place you can be. Feel this moment right now. Deep down, you love yourself like no other has loved you. You'll never run from yourself when things are just going good, would you? Sometimes, when all we have is us, know that there is no better place we can be at this moment. Love yourself and give love to your partner. That is the liberating freedom we all have to create our two way street.