It's amazing what kinds of behavior we will put up with in the name of love. I get letters all the time from people asking me how to change their spouse's bad habits. From husbands collecting a pretty girl's cell phone number to wives who act haughty in clubs in front of other men, the list is endless. When tackling the questions as to why a spouse would behave with such disrespect to their significant other we have to again look in the mirror towards ourselves. What is inside of us that makes us put up with that kind of behavior? When someone asks the question: "Why would my husband treat me so badly?" the answer is "because he can." Because you let him.

The level of your self esteem is apparent to almost everyone you meet and especially so with someone you are close to. Your level of self esteem, how good you feel about yourself, is the one factor above many in how others are going to treat you. People with low self esteem are treated with limited respect and sometimes even taken advantage of. Often people with low self esteem can only gain personal power by stealing power from someone else they believe is "beneath" them and treating them with disrespect. It's a powerplay of sorts. Instead of looking within themselves for empowerment, they crush the feelings of ones they love to feel stronger about themselves. And the low self esteem partner lets him get away with it. Looking inside yourself can be daunting. Being mean is easy. As you can see, this is a recipe for disaster in a relationship.

Then why are so many partnerships rampant with disrespecting behavior? How do we put a stop to the bad habits? Once again, the responsibility is ours to change the situation. When we address our lack of self appreciation and feel more empowered the abuse will tend to stop. It's called standing up for yourself and believing you are great. Yet you ask, "But Colin, how can I feel good about myself when I am being treated like crap all the time?" I know how hard that is. What you feel about yourself is truly in your head and you transmit those feelings to others. You are the only one with the power to change how you feel about yourself. You are in complete control of what others think about you. If you believe you are strong and great, society will have to believe it as well. The feelings you transmit are all other people have to go on to make their judgments. To control what others think of you and to dictate how they are going to treat you, you have to control yourself.

When I was a child, my parents told me I had to stand up to the bullies in class to stop from being picked on. Good conversation and reasoning were not going to help. I had to make a powerplay. Of course I was scared, but when I told the bullies "no more", it worked. I found the strength to be me. I was only going to be treated how I wanted to be treated......nothing more.....period. But the powerplay I made to make this happen wasn't against the bullies, it was towards myself. The real bully was how I thought of myself......my low self esteem. I let my low self esteem push me around more than all the bullies in every year of school combined. My own thoughts of myself were the real enemy as it is with everyone. Any unfavorable situation you find yourself in is our responsibility to correct. Abuse happens when we refuse to go into our own heads and say "no more....I am better than this. I am a special person and I am not going to let myself think lowly of myself ever again."

You can make it stop. You have all the power in the universe to change how you are treated, change how others think of you, and change how you feel about yourself. I want you to go and look at yourself in the mirror. I want you to stand there and really look deep into your own eyes. I want you to see the soul deep inside and maybe for the first time, discover the real you behind all the stress and negativity. There is a special, powerful, and precious soul inside of each and every one of us......can you see it? It's that sparkle of light deep in your eyes. That sparkle is your soul. Your soul is the most beautiful, powerful, and wondrous entity in the Universe. Fueled by imagination and given strength through the power of creation, the soul is an unstoppable force of energy that you possess. Keep looking in the mirror.....keep looking......keep looking until you see it. Keep looking until you feel it. You will know the real you.......

When you have to ask about your spouse's bad behaviors, keep sending the letters.......I love to help. But address the letter to yourself and you'll make a powerful and worthwhile change in your life.